A New Year...and reflection of struggles in 2010.

The new year is officially underway, and you know what that means for us?? Reid will be here next month! Wow, I can't believe it. We are 7 weeks away from his due date. Of course, that means that I am in like serious "nesting" mode wanting to have all of his clothes ready, sheets washed, room totally finished. One of my best friends, Gini, told me that if I ended up in the hospital before all of this was done, she would go over and wash his clothes etc. ;) It is hilarious the things we start worrying about.

I hope everyone had a great New Year's Eve/Day. We had a relaxing weekend with my family. The family (minus my Mom and I) went hunting. Marlee shot her very first deer, and she was pumped up to say the least! It was hilarious. She was talking 90 to nothing telling "her first deer story." Mom and I stayed at the cabin/house and watched football all day. Alabama showed out!! It was awesome. If we could have played like that all year, nobody could have touched us...including the other team in this state.

In 2010, Mark and I were faced with a multitude of emotions/struggles on the baby-making front. I wanted to make a point to put this in my blog because I know so many people who are struggling with this right now.
In January 2010, I experienced my 3rd pregnancy loss. To say that we were devastated is an understatement. I began seriously soul searching as to what I would do if we couldn't ever have a baby on our own. We already had a planned trip to Gatlinburg with the family, and we didn't want to ruin everyone's trip, so we went without telling them. I had my first "natural" miscarriage there while on vacation, and I remember thinking to myself that no matter what, Mark and I would have a baby. (however God wanted that to happen was going to be fine with me) I prayed and prayed and told Him that I was completely broken, my heart was open to whatever he wanted me to do...just tell me. I don't know what He wanted...whether He wanted me to completely rely on Him with this part of my life (and stop trying to "fix" it myself), or if He just wanted me to be completely reliant on Him and admit that...who knows? I do know that alot has happened in one year. All of our struggles to have this baby make this experience truly a miracle in our eyes. I will never forget the pain/hopelessness that I felt after each loss. That kind of heartache never goes away, but it does get better. (not on your own though) Without my faith that God is in control of the situation, and He has a reason for everything, I would be completely lost. As one of my favorite Third Day songs says "Love Heals Your Heart." Thank Him for his healing love today...no matter what the situation is, His love truly can heal your heart. Tell Him you're hurt/broken...be honest with Him, He already knows anyway, but maybe it will make you feel better to tell Him...I know I felt better. I know that in January 2010, I didn't think that in January 2011 I would be planning for my son's arrival in February. I am so thankful for this baby boy that sometimes it is hard for me to even talk about him without tearing up (as I am right now writing this), but I am also so thankful that God loved me so much that He heard his child's prayer and answered in His perfect timing. I am a stronger person because of it, and I have been able to share my story with so many women who face this every day..whether it be friends, random people, or complete strangers on the Internet. If I can give any advice, I would say that when God does something amazing in your life, don't keep it a secret...share it with others who may really need it.

Hope is the companion of power, and mother of success; for who so hopes strongly has within him the gift of miracles. ~ Samuel Smiles